He collected everything from our Travels
Scott gave his full attention to you if you needed to talk. He truly wanted to listen to what you had to say unless it was a disagreement, than both of us would have to disentangle ourselves from our positions which could take awhile before we could get down to making sure each of us was taken care of and the issue at hand was resolved.
We never swept anything under the carpet. We dug into the dust to clear issues. We cared about each other and wanted to make sure each of us felt accepted and loved even if we had to dig deep and work through baggage we carried from the past. It was work, lots of work and not easy. We kept at it, never giving up, we wanted to be as close as possible.
When you did speak to Scott, he would put everything away, whatever he was working on or focusing his attention on off to the side, so he could be fully present to hear you. If he was in the middle of something, he would ask you to wait until he was finished which usually didn\’t take very long. Then. Once he had put away what he was doing, he was ready to hear what you had to say.
When Scott was working in the yard, my niece would stop by to visit him after school. My sister and I would notice Scott stop, put his work tools away, and give my niece his full attention while she shared her day with him. They would converse back and forth about how she felt and what she had learned at school. Scott would share his thoughts. Their conversation flowed easily between them. When my ten year old niece finished talking which sometimes could go on for quite awhile, she would let Scott know she had to leave to do her homework and off she would go. Scott never hurried her or acted like he was too busy or distracted. He always gave her his full attention. He never spoke down to her.
When Scott died, my niece took the rest of the school week off. She let her mom know, she was sad and was not going back to school until after the holiday.
Giving ones full attention is rare these days. I worked really hard when I first met Scott not to multi-task or be distracted when he wanted to talk. It was a challenge for me to be still and fully present. I always felt like I had to rush off and complete a task, or I was worried about some situation that wasn\’t resolved. Soon. I learned that giving ones full attention was important to Scott and it didn\’t take too long for me to learn to listen better.
I am still a work in progress.
When we went out to eat, we always sat next to each other on the same side of the booth. Rarely, did we reach for our cell phones, preferring our conversation together over any kind of distraction. We spent a lot of our time talking and sharing. My friends and family couldn\’t believe how we could spend so much time together without getting irritated with each other or wanting to escape from one another into a back bedroom or lose oneself in a television show. We talked through movies, discussing them before they were over, pointing out a beautiful scene or something new we learned that we wanted to experience. I don\’t think we watched one show without talking to each other off and on through-out.
We could be quiet with each other while together too. Scott loved playing music and many humid, hot summer evenings with the window open to catch the breeze, we would lie together listening to Jazz, and Blues, Rockabilly, and whatever Scott wanted to share with me that night. During the day, we would take our chairs out to the river and sit in the shade animal and people watching.
Most of the time, though, we talked. \”What are you thinking\”, we would say to each other everyday through out the day. And then, the thoughts, feelings, ideas would pour out while the other listened. I could tell Scott anything and he never judged me or made me feel like a bad person.
He just wanted to know me, all of me.
We were not perfect people and that\’s what the beauty of our relationship was. We wanted to learn about each other so that we could help each other live more fully during this lifetime.