Puget Sound, Washington
Scott drove almost every inch of the Puget Sound for me to see killer whales. Finally, one day I did. It was just a touch, a shiny black back going in for a dive. For me it was enough.
For many years I didn\’t let myself cry. I held it back, forcing it down, I was scared of crying. I didn\’t want to fall apart. Falling apart was weak. How could I function, keep moving forward if I was falling apart. Being vulnerable meant being unsafe.
Scott and I both cried regularly. Watching a movie that invoked emotion, hearing a story that touched us, or sharing a past experience that hurt us or healed us. Scott didn\’t hold back his emotions or tears. Scott was the most masculine man I had ever met in my life. And he didn\’t have a sexist bone in his body. He loved women. He loved his two daughters who he reminded me over and over. \”they are the loves of my life\”. After talking on the phone or spending time with them, he would share with me what they were up to. He was so proud they were creating their own lives following their dreams not being distracted by what convention dictated. He shared with me his advice for his daughters. He would tell them \”You can have some things, you just can\’t have everything\”. Scott knew what was important in life. Some things were what life was all about. Everything wasn\’t necessary.
When, Scott was here, he walked the gardens with my baby sister. The other day, she told me a piece, just a piece of the conversation they shared. Scott told her that men are here to protect and love women and make sure they are happy in their life.
That\’s what Scott wanted for his daughters, for his women friends, for me, for my sisters. He wanted to make sure we were happy and doing what we wanted to do, not what others thought we should be doing. If someone or something got in the way, watch out, Scott was there in case you needed him.
When Scott and I first got together. We went to Food Max, a discount grocer in my hometown. Food Max was a busy store. People jockeyed for position in aisles and at the check-out stand. Seeing an opening at a checker, I pushed the cart forward to the grocery conveyor belt. Within seconds, a big tattooed bald guy cut in front of me placing his items in front of me.
I froze, backed up and gave up, figuring \”it\’s not a big deal, some people are so rude\”.
Not Scott. It wasn\’t okay with Scott.
Scott moved swiftly in front of me, picked up the bald guy\’s grocery items, put them back in the guy\’s cart and shoved the cart out of the checker\’s line where it rolled into the fifty pound bags of dog food leaning against the front of the store. Scott turned to me and said \”go ahead Janet\”.
Later, I watched as the big guy, with his head down pushed his cart to his car in the drizzling rain. I didn\’t say a word to Scott, I was too busy falling in love with him again.