Store Window in Guerneville, California
The Goddess Lucina, she is also known as Saint Lucy is the Goddess of Light. Her celebration date is December 13th. Yesterday. She is the candle holding Saint.
During the winter darkness, especially now, I find the long dark nights difficult to manage. Meditation music helps, guided meditation, spiritual talks on video, and a dinner prepared by my middle sister illuminated by candlelight with conversation weaving back and forth sharing memories and experiences are healing.
I think that one of the reasons I love Christmas so much are the lights. The beautiful sparkling colorful lights filling up houses, and windows singing out to the darkness.
Last Christmas, Scott and I rented an extremely small room in a house filled with five other roommates, plants, pets and lots of stuff before we set off on our travels. Scott did his best, I gave up, rearranging the room to be as comfortable as possible.
One day, Scott came home with a string of Christmas lights for me to set up on my night stand, on my side of the bed. It was one of most thoughtful gifts I have ever received. Last winter, whenever, I felt low, about where we lived, and how far away our dreams seemed to be, I would flip on the Christmas lights and feel better right away. I was so happy with those lights, it made Scott smile.
This week, I am staying with my middle sister. After a day out, coming home, I found her stringing Christmas lights. Afterwards, she made me a beautiful vegetarian meal and a salad of beets, apples, tiny lettuces, and a tahini dressing. With a glass of red wine, we sat and talked for a long time.
It reminded me of the beautiful dinners Scott and I shared, the conversations, the hopes and dreams, we all share.
During this time of darkness, there is light.
I find my light in the care my family and friends give me, the letters I receive from my readers of this blog, my writing, Christmas lights, intimate candlelit dinners, and the photos I take-feeling Scott within and beside me.
Last night, after a great sadness had overtaken me, I listened to a guided meditation that I have shared on this blog. The meditation is specific to reconnecting with your lost loved one. I had no expectations. I did, however, want so badly to reconnect with Scott in a new way.
And I did.
At the end of the meditation, I felt I was soaring. I looked beside me to see Scott in flight too. He was a bald eagle with striking eyes and strength. As I turned to look at my own body, across my back I saw ruffles of chocolate brown feathers and felt the surge of power in my wings.
Flying together, through the twilight sky, we headed for the mountains of color and light.