The Past

One of the books I\’m reading now. 
On the right side of the blog home page
you can find my reading list.
After reading my blog post the other day, \”B\” texts me to let me know we have known each other for over ten years. I texted back \”I know, we\’ve been texting for ten years\”. We met at the mortgage office in 1997. My brother David, before he passed away, worked at the real estate office across the street. He picked me up everyday to go out to lunch. Back then, there was no time clock, lunches could last anywhere from one to two hours or more if the bosses invited you out. With all the cocktails at lunch, the afternoon was pretty much wasted. Friday was golf day, so the bosses stopped by the office in the morning and you didn\’t see them back in the office until Monday morning.  \”B\” and I worked with \”Mad Men\”.
Christmas at the office was usually big cash bonuses and lots of expensive champagne or wine to take home. One Christmas \”B\” got an expensive blender. I thought it was really nice. She didn\’t. She gave it right back to her boss with some \”choice words\”.  He never made that mistake again.
Christmas for me now, is a book and a nice meal with family, one glass of wine and a huge serving of loss. A catastrophic loss, I will be thinking about and missing Scott. He loved sit down meals. He loved being with people around the table sharing conversation. It will not be easy for me this Christmas. 
Today, we are going on a back roads with my mom and sister to one of the most beautiful areas of Sonoma in the wintertime. The area is rich with vineyards and mountains, and an old town frequented by tourists who are thankfully not here right now due to COVID (I apologize, I know that sounds rude, but it will be nice to have the peace for a day). 
We will stop by the French Patisserie to pick up pastries and Croque Madam, a french sandwich that is divine with egg on top. My mom took Scott and me out to breakfast here a couple of years ago, after coffee and pastries at the bistro table out in the garden, we took a lovely walk all over the neighborhood. My mom and Scott daydreamed about which cottage they would buy if they won the lottery. I remember both of them stopping at each house to check out the garden and front porches, the style of the home, and the property in the back. Later, I took Scott here again and treated him to breakfast when I was working full-time. Of course, we ordered the Croque Madam.
One of the books I am reading is \”Wintering:  The Power of Rest and Retreat\” by Katherine May. This book is so rich to read it\’s like having butternut squash soup with creme fraiche on top. I might have to read it again.
Scott and I loved our food. We loved cooking for each other. We loved going out to eat. We loved life, every single moment we could of it. If something got in the way of that, we were quick to change it. I will always miss Scott. Grieving doesn\’t go away. It never will for me. Grieving will be a part of my life from now on.
I love life too. 
I will leave you with the Buddhist saying I have repeated many times on my blog.
I am living life \”holding sorrow in one hand, joy in the other\”.
Peace to you.

 

Published by As the Road Wanders

I am a writer and a blogger from Northern California

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