A Bigger Picture

Marin County Beaches
Northern California
with Scott
I haven\’t been able to walk along the beach for several days. In the SF Bay Area this past week, at least half dozen people or more have been swept out to sea by the \”sneaker waves\”, all lost including two young children and their father. Such a horrific loss and still people go out and play \”chicken\” with the waves, climb up on the rocks, and more get taken by the sea. 
The sky looms over waiting to burst with water. COVID rages outside. This week, I will go out to mail packages and cards, pick up a grocery item or two, drive along the back roads, and hop out to take photos. There is no lingering or staying any one place for more than a few minutes, never more than ten minutes.  Most of the shops are closed up in town, most of the restaurants have been boarded up and many of them are permanently closed in an area where restaurants were held in high esteem from around the world, being one of the first areas to join the farm to table movement.  The wineries are closed to tastings and parties. Hotels are off limits, so no travel in the Bay Area unless you are an essential worker. Our shelter in stay at home order has been extended into February.
My day consists of writing, meditation, reading books, talking to family, reading books, meditating, going out in nature for a bit, and falling asleep to a sleep story by 9 p.m. I can\’t complain. I am fortunate to not have to wear a mask for eight hours a day in this. I feel for the people out there risking their lives and having to breathe through a mask at work.  
I am learning so much about communicating and living within a deeper spiritual world than I thought possible. I am feeling more and more connected to Scott, our love for each other, and the infinite as my meditation, sleep practice, and spiritual studies deepen.
I feel like I am a woman walking two worlds. 
In the book \”Where Did You Go\” by Christina Rasmussen, she writes about going beyond our physical brain through the portal door, entering within to access the world we cannot see or feel with our five senses in order to communicate with loved ones who we think are not here anymore, yet they are if we would allow ourselves to let go of limiting beliefs and go beyond this physical dimension.  
Since reading her book and being committed to meditation, and doing this work, I can see beyond my physical sight.  I am experiencing frequent lucid dreams. A lucid dream is a dream where you are aware you are dreaming. My meditations are going much deeper than ever before.
In the book \”Where Did You Go\”, Christina Rasmussen shares something extraordinary, that I have never read about before. She asks you to watch for your lost loved one to hand you or point out to you an object in your dreams and meditations. This object, may be something, that will be manifested in your physical world (3- D World) as a sign and connection from your beloved, loved one.
There are a couple of things that Scott handed to me. One in a meditation, I did several days ago. It was a purple marble, I didn\’t understand why he was giving it to me until I read the passages from Christina\’s book. I am also fascinated by the one layer cake that showed up in the lucid dream I wrote about yesterday on the blog.
I have read that many people are suffering not only from loss which is beyond painful and life changing, but also from feeling confined and not able to live a \”full life\” right now.
I get it. I am feeling stir crazy as well.  And of course, going through Scott\’s transition from this physical space has been for me, like dying a thousand deaths filled with pain and suffering, I could never imagine this kind of loss yet this loss is also unfolding into a mystery and a deeper spiritual life, I also could never imagine before.
I believe I can partially understand the sorrow, depression, and anxiety people are going through.
My answer for myself and maybe for some of us, is to take this time, to delve deep into our spirituality, to connect to what is within us, what is around us, to lose ourselves in the cosmos, to understand like Carl Sagan said in the quote I posted earlier, to understand that we are made of \”star stuff\”.
There is a bigger picture out here waiting for us to see it.

 

Published by As the Road Wanders

I am a writer and a blogger from Northern California

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