\”Hippie\” School Bus
Grief can make one feel crazy at times. Emotions and memories surface and flood your senses during the ordinary. Dining out with my sister last night in the town of Guerneville, my emotions ran wild from gratitude to hurt to frustration to anger to despair to hopefulness to letting go.
I am learning that grief is not a condition that can be solved. It is an in depth work through process for me. Grief is in constant change, morphing, catapulting, thundering mist, interfering, gently touching, sculpting, carving and beating me to a pulp. Grief is one of the creator\’s tools working me into the person I am going to be, painfully shedding the person I was.
I can already see myself emerging into someone I do not recognize, someone I am learning to get to know for the first time.
My voice is changing. There is a confidence and surety about it, that was not there before. I am experiencing a deeper commitment to my spiritual evolving. I am on the cusp of practicing self-love at another level. I am learning forgiveness is the path to freedom. I can see and feel bullshit and falseness of propriety like a stab in the heart taking my breath away. I move through scenes of life, my radar heightened on alert, for the authentic, what feels alive and awakened. I find myself in the unpredictability of nature.
And the most comfortable realm for me is being here now.
Yesterday is filled with past dreams locked in bubbles of timelessness. Tomorrow is a promise not guaranteed.
I understand there is no end, no completion, no fixed state of wholeness.
I am eternally a work in progress seeking enlightenment for the joy and love that it is, stumbling and falling into obstacles, picking myself up again and again, to be wholly who I am in the moment, flawed and beautiful as love waits patiently for me to surrender.