Waiting for Sunset, Yesterday
My sister picked me up. We drove up North along the back roads waiting for the sunset and the golden glow to take photos. In Cloverdale, my sister stopped at an old burger stand, treating me to a vanilla shake and onion rings. We sat at a picnic table outside, the weather reminding me of summers to come. I am pushing through my grief, memories surfacing of so many summer nights driving this town with Scott under pink lavender sunsets, our windows rolled down escaping the blaring heat, bay leaves from the creek scenting the air, on our way to live blues and jazz played in the town square.
With my sister, after sharing fries and rings, we drove back out of town to the Dry Creek Valley just in time to take photos of the wild mustard while the sun slowly dipped down behind the hills. White daisies covered the green grass along the vineyard, I carefully stepped over the delicate flowers to take photos of the old vines. The angelic color of blooms, sky, and fields were eye smacking candy, I felt like I was in the Wizard of Oz, it was so surreal. Back on the road, I searched for a farm winery Scott and I visited a couple of years ago. That afternoon not too long ago, the tasting room suggested we take our glasses of wine outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. Outside the farmhouse and store, a family of fat farm cats lolled about, lounging on top and underneath the picnic tables. Scott and I shared a plate of olives and bread while we visited with the amiable striped tabby cats. It was one of those immortal moments stuck in time, the memory imprinted and stored in forever.
Last night, I listened to a radio show I rely on to fall asleep these days, it\’s called wedontdie radio. The show comforts me with programs reminding it\’s going to be okay. This morning, I listen to Krush radio, Scott\’s favorite go to local station. I am learning to integrate all of these feelings, experiences, past, now, and future into my being, so that one day, my future self will feel as one and whole again.