San Diego, California
I\’m here. I landed in San Diego about three hours ago. The flight was bumpy at first and leaving San Francisco, it was thick in grey and misty fog.
I used to be deathly afraid of flying. During flight, I would experience rolling waves of anxiety and claustrophobia. Before I booked a trip, I would ask my doctor to prescribe enough valium to get me where I was going and back home. If I white knuckled it, without the drugs, I was praying to GOD, the GOD from the bible, bargaining and praying for my life the whole hellish flight.
This morning, I had a feeling, it would be different this time. When Scott crossed over, I experienced what some who have died and come back describe as an NDE, a Near Death Experience. I saw the white light, bursts and balls of light, I felt the most immense all encompassing, saturation of love that I cannot describe in words take me over and more. And I lost all fear of death.
Flying this morning was pure pleasure. I felt sorry for the man next to me squeezing his hands together, closing his eyes, and trying to get through it. He never looked out the window. During flight, he stared at the small screen on the phone like every single passenger near me that I could see, all transfixed by their cellphones.
I couldn\’t take my eyes from the window. I watched the angels in the clouds, their wisp of wings carrying us safely on our voyage. I looked down, thousands of feet down from my window in the sky, at the coastline Scott drove me along last summer when I pleaded with him to take the scenic route, Highway 1 from the San Francisco Bay Area to Santa Barbara, so I could see the ocean all the way. He did it for me, even though it\’s a pain in the butt drive for the driver.
After we landed, and I took Lyft to my motel destination, I was too early to check in. The young woman behind the desk stored my two backpacks while I walked through the \”new\” neighborhood. I found a lunch spot and ordered a glass of wine and a poke bowl. For the first time, I used my phone to scan the menu. I asked the waitress to help me. Waitresses seem to be so much nicer to me these days, especially the young ones since Scott talked me into letting my hair go grey/silver.
After lunch, I googled the beach. The closest beach on the map was a mile and half away. I double checked the map with the waitress, and \”Taylor\” thankfully pointed the way to the sand and blue water only a couple blocks from the restaurant, a five minute walk. She saved me time and energy. I wasn\’t ready for a longer walk.
The beach is heaven, pure heaven. When I looked out over the water that reminds me of Hawaii, the caramel sand, the healthy tanned people, happy dogs, the surfers, and young girls taking selfies while they shook their booties laughing at each other, I thought \”this is where the fortunate people go to live before they die\”.
I am fortunate as well. I will be here for the next few days, healing, and thanking Scott and my angels, the support of family and friends, and my blog readers for helping me not give up.
Scott used to tell me \”Janet, get comfortable being uncomfortable\”.
I am getting it Scott, and now what my life coach Patricia used to say to me after I broke through a barrier \”Janet, time to celebrate\”.