Walk along the Beach
San Diego, California
This morning I walked several blocks until I reached a cheese shop that served coffee to go. I ordered a cup of coffee for $2 and walked through an affluent area of town, passing by a large window showcasing a hot red cherry lamborghini for sale. Just a little boutique shop selling a handful of $300,000 cars in the neighborhood. How I found an affordable motel a few blocks away from this car shop with a restaurant serving $8 to $10 breakfast and lunch specials that are healthy and good is a miracle.
Carrying my coffee to go, I meandered through a row of retirement condos, greeting and saying good morning to the residents as they walked by. I watched younger people ride by on scooters that you can pick up on the corners. The scooters are freestanding, not tied down, I guess no one steals them or maybe they have trackers? It looks like you scan a bar code from your phone to make them go. I haven\’t figured out how the system works yet. I feel so behind on the times and technology.
Within a few blocks I was at the beach. I took off my sandals and waded in the water watching a close knit sea of blonde people with blonder dogs power walk and run by me. I don\’t remember seeing any one of them sit on a rock and gaze out at the sea the last couple of days. Everyone seems to be in constant perfect motion around here except the \”beat up from life\” people like me or visitors from out of the area. No wonder everyone is in perfect shape and health. It is so perfect here, I can see how insulated one could be from the world \”outside\”.
I found a rock and had a good cry. The beautiful people did not intrude on my space. I watched the ocean and an angelic white egret fly by. When I was finished crying. I daydreamed about living here, in this most beautiful of places. I pictured myself eating healthy salads and fruit, walking along the beach everyday, reading my book, getting a not to demanding job, and renting a furnished room. Then, I thought, within a week I don\’t think there would be anything to write about. I would be so comfortable nestled in my cocoon, lulled to sleep in the ultimate beach dream. Or maybe, I am too afraid, too inadequate to conjure up a life like this. Either way, whatever the truth is, I don\’t belong here for more than a few days.
On the way back to the motel from the beach, I stumbled upon a free library and found a book to read. I shed all of my books on my journey here to ease the load I carried. The book looks like the perfect beach read (you can\’t use the word perfect enough around here). The book is about a woman who leaves a failed marriage and travels to California continuing on to Mexico.
Book from the Free Library
At the cheap restaurant next door to my motel, I picked up a veggie sandwich and a caesar salad combo special for $8, $9 with take-out tip. With coffee today, my meals will cost $11.00. I am sailing on a budget to keep my savings on check. Cup of noodles tonight.
At my room, I cried again ( I feel like Holly Hunter crying on and off through-out the movie Broadcast News-I loved that movie).
I cried not knowing how I\’m going to do this shit, this life by myself again.
A couple of hours later, I pulled myself together and found two more volunteer opportunities in my email box.
Tomorrow, I talk to people in San Diego and people in Detroit.
Opportunities are happening. Trust. Janet. Trust.