Radical Self-LOVE

San Diego Gardens
The gift in grief and loss for me, is a chance for healing. Wounds open. Old wounds. Family origin wounds surface that I was numb to or thought I had healed.
Since, I was young I have played the role of a caretaker, an emotional caretaker in my childhood which robbed me of many things. I\’ve struggled with having healthy relationships in love, business, and friendships because I didn\’t know what a healthy relationship was and how to have one.
Scott was the first relationship that was as close to healthy as I ever got, and I am so grateful I got to experience what real intimacy felt like.
Most of my relationships were marred by addiction and co-dependency. 
A new chapter of my path towards healing after Scott\’s crossing over is confronting my past, my childhood, the losses that seem to keep mounting up, and how I\’m going to practice Self-Love and my responsibility for my own healing.
Even though this is a painful, extremely painful chapter in my path after losing Scott, it\’s an important one.
I want a chance at another partner, and I say this with guilt, fear, and a sense of betrayal. These are normal feelings.
What is not normal, is keeping myself or preventing myself from having a shot at happiness. Another partner is only a part of that and I\’m not ready to go there right now, but I know it might be part of a bigger future for me down the road.
Today, I learn and practice Self-Love which means I set healthy boundaries with family and friends, I parent myself by making good choices, I surround myself with people who are kind, love and care about me without taking away my power or sucking my energy. I vision and follow my dreams for a new future for myself. I try to eat healthy and exercise that gives me pleasure and I don\’t beat up on myself when I slip. I practice meditation. I spend time in nature. I choose healthy relationships. I go to therapy for my well-being and the well-being of those around me if necessary.  I forgive, but I don\’t sacrifice myself in the forgiveness.
This is just a sampling of my radical self-love practice. I am learning how to love myself unconditionally.
This is one of the gifts of grief and loss. It\’s a painful gift, but a necessary gift for the road ahead. 

 

Published by As the Road Wanders

I am a writer and a blogger from Northern California

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