“You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it\’s hard. Not because you\’re doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don\’t avoid the pain. You need it. It\’s meant for you. Be still with it, let it come, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you\’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.”
I forge ahead with grief. I feel the loss of Scott like a soft rain of sorrow lifting through-out the day as patches of sunlight peek through wisps of clouds.
My life is an aching emotional blender pausing at peace, a deep feeling of love and a wondering of where my life will lead me in between bouts of \”I can\’t believe he is gone\”.
Scott will not be coming through the front door this evening, carefully putting his things away while I finish making dinner. I will not move passed the loss of this, I will learn to live and forge ahead carrying it within me along with his love and presence in my life.
Yesterday, I shopped at the local Saturday Farmer\’s Market with my sister. We bought fresh free-range eggs, bagels, sundried tomato schmeer, and veggies. We carried smooth roasted coffees with cream and breakfast burritos stuffed with veggies to eat in the car.
Tonight, my sister made potato leek soup and topped it with pea shoots from the market. It was delicious.
I sit, learning to be patient and allow the next steps of my life to carry me forward.